I’ve been feeling ugly lately.
Countless times staring at my post partum body in the mirror hoping that soon these horrible stretch marks would go away.I feel like im less than what im made of even tho i weigh more now lol.No time to take care of my nails,and i call them rustic vintage kind(i watch too much Fixer Upper).My hair’s got about 3 inch roots that needs some pampering.The forest-looking uneven eyebrows.My acne-prone skin that needs to get covered with make up everyday,because let’s face the reality,some people judge on how we look.My bigger thighs and a twin-pouch belly.This thicker hair after pregnancy that looks like every strand was shocked and burnt.It used to be silky straight,well taken care of,long hair.Momma bun has made it wavy and dry.Weaker knees and gets tired easily.I don’t remember when I started worrying how i look so much.Since when did I lose my self confidence?
This is what a usual post partum thoughts looks like.It has been 4 mos.since i had my twin boys.This is not depression,this is losing confidence.
But wait? You’re probably thinking…
she is so blessed to have two boys,why is she even saying all these stuff?
Of course i know i am! I am thankful for them every single day.I’m saying this because as a new TWIN mom,not getting enough rest means everything is stressful,little things that doesn’t even make sense bothers you and when you’re stressed,you lose your self esteem.
This is what i try to think about when im dealing with my other self.
My stretch marks are ugly,but i made TWO beautiful babies.My thicker hair was from all the prenatal vitamins i took eversince that pregnancy test popped up positive which made them healthy little boys.My bigger thighs is from all the weight i was carrying,meaning,they were growing on my belly healthily.My ugly fingernails were part of my hands that holds them,day and night.Pimples on my face that multiplied because I wasn’t eating very healthy,well,who’s got time to cook? But hey,it’s the face that my babies likes to see,that they want to see,the face that they smile to when they try to talk,the face that looks like them.This crazy,uneven eyebrows that makes funny faces funnier trying to talk to them.My twin pouch belly is not attractive,but it is my everyday reminder that not all women is blessed with one,there are so many girls out there that wishes they have one or they get to have one,i believed.I get so tired easily now,but i get my more energy as soon as my little bugs smiles! They sure keep me going everyday.I’m here thinking;is it the judgemental people? Or my negative thoughts thats making me lose my confidence? It is me who controls my feelings and what things i allow my brain to think about.I don’t look like how i want to be,but i am what and who i wanted to be—a happy wife,a happy mom,and God’s servant.Now,i am trying to be my old self,confident,and thankful,and that’s all that matters.